sorry father. this is my first blog in over a month. i have sins to confess.
first of all, i'm jewish. i hope this doesn't cancel out this confession
session. (good name for a band)

seriously, i've been thinking a lot about my grandparents. unfortunately,
that's all i've been doing ... thinking. my grandmother's in the psychiatric
ward getting shock treatment because she thinks the federal government is
after her for insurance fraud. apparently, medicare paid her $30 for an EKG
that she never received. i haven't called her. i haven't visited her. i've
asked about her, but it's not the same. meanwhile, on the other side of the
family ... my grandfather's feet have swollen three times their original
size. his hands have done the same. again, i've haven't called or visited
him. i guess i'm scared that they won't be the same people they've always
been.

my grandmother has always been strong. she has always known about things in
the family. if you want to know how a distant cousin is doing, call maxine.
she'll inform you that they moved to belgium, had three kids and own a surf
shop. what if her memory fails? what if she forgets who i am?

my grandfather hasn't had his memory in tact for a while now. he knows who
everyone is... it just takes him 5 - 10 guesses before he gets the name
right. i don't know if i can bear the thought of losing these two pillars in
my life. i don't know if i can stand to see them weakened in any form. it
hurts to know that i'm avoiding them in their time of need, but i can't help
it. i'll get around to it, though. i won't let them down.

thanks for listening father. i won't do those hail marys, but i'd sure like
to chat again sometime.